I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
