I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
