so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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