"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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