i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
