im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
