I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
