going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
