At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
