Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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