If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
