We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if only i could text you this smell
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
