i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
