So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
