Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You have to summon your inner elephant
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
