Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm too high and old for this...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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