Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
