guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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