Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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