Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dear god my vagina.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
