Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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