Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
