HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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