Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
