oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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