remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
