my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
