Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We just shotgunned beers for America
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
