Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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