Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
