I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
