oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
