is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You are the jesus of drinking
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
