oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
