i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
