I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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