I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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