Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
