Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
