you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
