I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
