**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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