The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
