Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
