Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
