this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
