Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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