Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
