I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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