theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
