I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
