Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
