thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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