he shaved USA in his pubs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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