Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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