We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
